RUN SON....I'll sacrifice myself!!!!!!!!

We were standing in the rotunda in my husband's medical school and I was speaking with a group of female students. Unfortunately, they were a group of severe feminists. Why is that unfortunate? Well, because I have children that can't keep their traps shut!

My son walks up to me and says, "Mom, why is that girl wearing that thing around her neck?" He was pointing out her stethascope (sp?).

"Because, Son, she's going to be a doctor," I said very excitedly.

To which he replied, "But girls aren't doctors, they're nurses!!"

Well that just sent a wave of fury through the bra burning crowd. After calming them down, I told them that it was their father's fault and I would have a GOOD talk with him when I get home. That seemed to satisfy them.

However, lets hope my husband survives the day and doesn't receive any unexpectant attacks! LOL
Poor guy, he doesn't even know it's coming!!!

Their Own Language...

I just love the little words that kids use for things. Here are a few of the "words" used around our house and a few old ones from when Bren was a toddler.


Mase's Words:

Tastic - Cactus
Livening Room - Living Room
Pewter - Computer

Jace's Words:

Pee-uh-reena - Ballerina
Wadoo - Water
Titty Tat - Kitty Cat

Bren's Words from Her Toddler Years:

Pissy - Prissy (my poodle)
Afart - Apart (from the Dragon Tales rhyme)

And recently she said "I'm persaded to think so." So Persaded = Persuaded LOL

Also Mase speaks with an S lisp...so his S sound is SH...which is just hilarious. We love to have him say "Sally Sells Sea Shells Down by the Sea Shore". Hee Hee Hee!

My 4th child...Kiko.

Yep, I have a 4th child. Her name is Kiko, and she is 10mths old. She is a true blue "Island Cat"...meaning she was born on the streets of St. Maarten and lived as a stray for the first few weeks of her life until the entire litter was picked up and taken to the shelter. I have to blog about Kiko for two reasons: First, she is the most AWESOME cat in the world (I hated cats until I met her), and second, she is the funniest cat EVER!! Which officially qualifies her story as blog worthy.

We actually went to the shelter to get a small dog. But we had to pass by the kittens to get to the dogs. Well of course my kids had to stop and look and "oooh and ahhhh" over the kittens. Which I can appreciate the cuteness of kittens, just
don't have that "got to have one" feeling in me like I do with dogs.

In the last pin, this absolutely CUTE kitten comes right up and rubs against the cage trying to get us to pet her. My kids went crazy with "I want to pet her!!!" So the lady gets her out...much to my inconvenience...and lets them pet her. Then she hands her to ME....HELLO, don't like cats!! But it was too late...this beautiful little BIG EYED kitten was purring in my arms and she rolled over on her back, exposed her belly with legs spread wide and accepted a belly rub. Oh this girl was really putting on the show! Just then the lady said, "She is the best one of the litter, very friendly, and tomorrow she will be here three months, so she gets the SHOT tomorrow."

Excuse me! Don't try to butter me with "the kitty will die tomorrow" crap!!! Then I looked down and the kitten literally meowed at me....a sweet "please lady, take me home" kinda meow. And my heart melted.

So we brought Kiko home the next day, after a quick operation to make sure she didn't produce more Kiko's. When we got her she was 3 mths old and so tiny....maybe 4 pounds...maybe.

NOW...7mths later....she is a whopping 12 pounds of silly kitty! And the vet told me Friday after her declawing operation (she tried to kill my chihuahua...apparently hates dogs) that she is still growing. WHAT??!!

Anyway, Kiko is so hilarious. This is how she sleeps:





















This is that beautiful face I fell in love with:


















She has super sonic ears and when ever she hears me sweeping, she comes running and slides through the pile that I am sweeping up RE-SPREADING it EVERYWHERE!


















This was what she did the first time we met and her favorite position to get a belly scratch:

















And for some UNKNOWN reason, Bren loves to squish her face and call her George Bush...so this is her George Bush impression...LOL:


















Anyway, this is my cat...my wonderfully goofy and sweet little kitty. She is currently mad because she has no claws, but if she hadn't gone for Daisy's jugular then she might still have them!

And The Guilt Rushed In.

Mase has been in trouble A LOT lately! And he is usually my good kid, so you can imagine my fear of losing him to the dark side as well.

So yesterday he was yelled at for like th 15th time and I can't even count his Time Out adventures! Then at supper last night he was asked to say the prayer....this is how it went:

"Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day and our many blessings. Thank you for the food and help it to be nourishing to our bodies. And please bless our family. And please bless that Mom will always love me even though she thinks that I'm a bad boy. And forgive her for putting me in Time Out so much today..." (then he opens one eye to see that I heard that) "...In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Now how can you stay mad at that???? LOL!

Talk About Timing!

So I was sitting on the potty....the ONLY privacy I get by the way...I actually enjoy potty time because it is MY time. (I also cannot believe I just admitted that!)

Anyway, so I am sitting there, reading, and ALL OF A SUDDEN Bren rushes in, slamming the door open, and as she comes to a sliding stop and I am expecting to hear that something horrible just happened in the living room....

She says, "I have really good news....I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."
And then leaves.

Yes....it is time to buy a lock for the door.

Aha! I have hit the Recorder stage!

And I am NOT happy about it! That's right, Bren is bringing home the Recorder to "practice" (I use that term lightly because it is really to drive me nuts!)

Seriously, I think that is what music teachers have in mind when they send those wretched flute wanna-be's home. They KNOW we will hate it...and you know they probably hate it too, so thought they'd share the feeling with parents. Well how nice is that??? (dripping sarcasm there)

So Bren toots, she tweets, AND she squeeks. Oh I L O V E the squeeks. (again...pure sarcasm here)

Here is a typical song:
Toot, Toot, Tweet, Squeek, "wait I messed up", Toot, Toot, Tweet, Squeek, "GRRR I messed up", Toot, Squeek, "WAIT", Toot, Toot, Squeek, "OH I HATE THIS STUPID THING" (then she storms out of the room and returns once she is calm to START ALL OVER!!!) Oh yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, it goes on and on, like the song that NEVER ends, and the music teacher is somewhere laughing her stupid head off in the silence of her own home! (If only I knew where she lived...)

I can only just sit patiently and wait for the upcoming concert to be over so that the evil little instrument will remain at school where it belongs...well actually I think it belongs in Hell's burning inferno, but I have found I do not always get what I want.

Go Away!

So I had a lady come by to pick up something the other day...she is a priss pot lady, you know the type, puckered lips, looks like they either just sucked a lemon or smelled a fart. Anywho, she came early...grrrr....and I was in the shower so my dh answered the door.

I heard her knock since I had just turned off the shower. I was towel drying off when all of a sudden Mase slams the door open and says:

Mase: Mom, a lady's here and Dad says come here.
Me: I can't tell Dad to give her the bag by the table. (TOWEL SLIPS A LITTLE)
Mase: (LOUDLY) HEY! You have hair on your too too. Why do you have hair on your too too?
Me: Please....Shhhhh....get out......(covering his mouth and towel slipping more)....Mase, shhhhh!
Mase: (muffled by my hand) But why....too too......hair......

I finally got him out and slammed the door shut. Ok, no prob...she probably didn't hear. So later I come out and dh is on the computer. I am in the kitchen starting lunch when he says, "Sooooo, you have hair on your too too?"

I JUST DIED! Because if he heard that....then pinched face lady heard it! Ugh...I just wanna lay down and cry sometimes. *sob* *sniff*

Jace Is Now a Sailor....Compliments of Mom!

I have GOT to watch my mouth more! Here I thought I was doing so much better...I have stopped saying some of my favorite words and was working on the few I have left. But apparently not in time for my beloved three year old.
Ahhh my little nosey, bossy, 3yr old girl! And now I have to add foul mouthed to that list. Ugh! Allow me to share the story with you....CAUTION, bad words ahead!
So we decided to go out to eat as a family tonight...it was such a fun day and we were all in a great mood. We were driving in the car with the windows down, laughing, and a GIANT bus pulls up right beside us and HONKS his stupid horn. Well I had been biting my nails at that time and he scared me when he honked and I bit my finger. So I yelled "thanks JACKASS!" So my 3yr old yells "yeah JACKASS!" Ok...breathe, I know what I did wrong, so I say "honey, momma should NOT have said that, so don't say it anymore." Well she argues a little and I get on to her more but try to blame my own potty mouth for it. She finally decides that she isn't winning this battle and says "Mom, you piss over me!" Which really threw me for a loop, because what in the living hell does THAT mean???? But I calmly ask "honey don't say that word, but what are you trying to say?" And then dh whispers to me, "ummm maybe she is saying you're pissing me off". Ah hah! Yes, I bet that is it! Well she HEARS him.....WHAT IS WITH THE SUPER SONIC EARS ON KIDS THESE DAYS??...and says "yeah Mom you're pissin me off!"
Ok so I get a little tougher and I remind her that soap tastes bad but that is what she is getting if she doesn't stop saying bad words. I am also trying to keep from laughing because she is just mad at me and cussing me out....my 3 YEAR OLD! Kinda cute, in a trailor trash sort of way!
So we continue on our drive, everyone is quiet, and my 3 yr old says "well sh*t!" Well, EVERYONE is laughing now, even my dh, and I am just blown away. Dh keeps saying, "it's YOUR fault!" and laughs more. NOT HELPING HONEY! Ok my little girl is now cussing like a sailor! Perhaps she heard that from me........but HELL, I quit ALLLLL my other vices, and I am working so hard on this one, I am NOT PERFECT, SHUT UP!
But I really do need to work a little harder on my mouth. Otherwise I may have problems when my sweet little 3 yr old starts preschool and the teacher calls me because she just taught the class a few choice FOUR LETTER WORDS!
I can just hear it now "umm, yes, Mrs. L, I know you are going to be very upset about this, but your dd taught the other children how to say jackass today, and well, she wasn't speaking of the donkey type." Geez!

Hmmmm...Not Exactly Honey.

I was playing Catch Phrase with my oldest last night. She loves the challenge even though she doesn't know ALL the words and their meanings.

So we're playin and it's her turn to descibe a word and get me to say it. Here is how it went:

Bren: Ok so it's in your throat!
Me: Trachea!
Bren: No.
Me: Tonsils.
Bren: No.
Me: Hmmmm...voice box?
Bren: No, MOM! (apparently I am ticking her off that I am not answering correctly)
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (times up)
Me: What in the world was it?
Bren: ASPARAGUS!!!!
Me: bwaaaaaahaaaaahaaaahaaahaaaaa
Bren: What? What did I say?
Me: Honey, asparagus is a vegetable, and if it's in your throat you are choking! bwaaahahahaaaa!
Bren: OH! Is that what that says?
Me: (looking at the word) Yep, but you mean esophagus...that IS in your throat.
Bren: Oh......hahahhahahaha

Then DON"T ask me!

Bren and Mase are sitting here drawing together...their favorite past-time. Bren loves to be challenged and said to me, "Challenge me Mom...tell me what to draw. Only make it hard."

Here is how it went...I don't make this stuff up folks...my kids are just this exhausting!

Me: Draw Herbie.
Bren: Mom, that's too hard.
Me: Ok draw Daisy. (our dog)
Bren: No.
Me: Kiko. (our cat)
Bren: Mom...be challenging!
Me: (sighing) Ok, draw our view of the lagoon. (ocean, mountains...should be challenging)
Bren: No, it's dark I can't see it.
Me: Then draw what you think the mountains look like where your aunt and uncle live.
Bren: (SIGHS AT ME!) I'll just surprise you. (and ROLLS HER EYES!)

Where did I go wrong here????

Aha! The wonderful Jace strikes again!!!

So my wonderful little 3yr old comes into the bathroom this evening, while I am standing in my undies (having just gotten out of the shower). She comes up and pats my belly...you know, the bulge that she caused and I cannot get rid of!!!

Anyway, as she pats my bulgey belly, she says: "Mom, your butts on backwards."

Ugh! Why me???

The Conversation from hell...why do I bother??

So I was gonna be a good mom this morning and sat down all cuddled up with my kids and asked them what they would like to have special in their house when we build. Here is how that simple question turned into a fiasco (sigh):

Me: Son you go first.
Mase: I want a ninja turtle castle with the orange night ninja, the red night ninja, the blue night ninja....wait, no I already have the blue night ninja....and...
Bren: (interupting) No! She doesn't mean toys! She means things like doors and hideouts.
Mase: Oh ok then, well I want a darth vador soup. (which means suit but he has a lisp).
Bren: NO NO NO!!
Me: Bren, it's ok. Mase you can have your suit. Ok Jace's turn.
Jace: I want a princess castle with a princess dress.
Bren: NO!!!!!!!! Mom!!!
Me: Bren they don't understand...it's ok.
Bren: Listen to me guys! She means tunnels or secret passageways. Like this, it's my turn, ok... I want a secret room under the stairs that has games in it and is all mine. Then I want a tunnel that goes up and out of it to a tree house.
Mase: Oh YEAH! I want a tunnel out of my room too.
Bren: And my tunnel and Mase's tunnel will connect.
Mase: Cool! (thinking) Can I still have the soup?
Bren: (sighs and falls over exasperated)
Me: (not knowing whether to laugh or shoot myself) Yes son, you can have your soup.