On the way to church.

On our way to a chili cook off today this was the conversation in our van:

Mase: Mom, why do I have to call it my private?
Me: Because it is your private area.
Mase: But Jase and Bren have privates, mine is different cuz I'm a boy.
Me: Ok what do you want to call it.
Mase: My weiner.
(*snickers and snorts*)
Me: That's not very nice so how about your penis.
Mase: That's what I pee out of but what about those bubbles under it...they're balls right?
(*louder snickers and snorts*)
Me: Yes, but let's call them testicles.
Mase: So penis and tecticles...okay that works.

Jase: But he does have balls, Mom, and they are under his weiner.

(*rolling laughter by this time*)

Will we ever outgrow the penis and ball joke stage? Ugh!

A Good Way to Die.

Bren and I were watching Survivor the other night and I noticed this particularly muscular guy on there ( the gravedigger if you watch). Bren mentioned how muscley he was and I think I might have howled or barked or even clapped and whistled at some point...I don't remember exactly.

Bren said, "yeah but if he hugs you he will squish you to death."
I said, "I KNOW!" Perhaps a little too over the top happy now that I look back.
Bren sat and thought for a while and then said, "yeah it would be a good way to die, huh."

Yes, Bren, yes it would.

Save them from extinction!!

So I've been lazy the last few days and we've had a ton of hot dogs and chicken nuggets.

Bren walks in today and saw the nuggets in the pan and said, "Um Mom...seriously, you're gonna put hot dogs and chicken nuggets on the endangered list soon. Can we give them a chance to make more before we wipe them out of existence completely?"

Smart mouthed little brat!

Get your priorities straight, Illinois!

Right when we crossed into Illinois on our road trip, we stopped at a gas station for drinks. Bren asked for a YooHoo. I went in and the lady had NO idea what that even was. *gasp* I refrained from exclaiming, "You don't know what a bottle of chocolatey watery goodness is???!!!!"

So I got in the car and told Bren they didn't know what a YooHoo was. Then about an hour down the road we passed a Hooters:

Bren *completely disgusted* - "OH! They don't know what a YooHoo is but they sure know what Hooters is!! Way to go, Illinois!!"

Um, Bren, how do YOU know what Hooters is? LOL!

Because I'm Republican I'm Automatically Stupid?

That's apparently what Donald Trump thinks. When asked to comment on the Rosie/Elizabeth fiasco, Mr. Furry Head himself said (and I paraphrase), "Elizabeth is already known as the dumbest person on television...blah blah blah...she's for the war....and she's really over her head on most subjects." OH.MY.GOSH.

I am just so damn tired of Hollywood's Democrats referring to anyone Republican as ignorant, stupid, dumb, etc. I usually shy away from political rants for several reasons, but today, my friends, is NOT that day. Buckle up...it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

First and foremost, let's get to the main point. It's the lesser of two evils either way you go. There's just as much voodoo coming from the Democratic party as there is the Republican. So what makes a Democrat feel as if he/she is on such a higher plane than their counterparts? I have no answer to that, but that's been the trend for a very very long time, and now Hollywood is shouting it out loud...taunting Republicans.

Now here's where I really want to take this rant: In no way form or fashion do I want ANYONE in the entertainment business to use their entertainment "platform" to go off on some political tangent. You're paid to ENTERTAIN....shut the hell up and do so! I have to listen to politicians enough...I should NOT have to hear it at the Academy Awards, during performances on talk shows, or during concerts. And I should NEVER have to hear it on a day time talk show, where two women who know NOTHING of politics lose their senses and nearly claw each other's eyes out. Wait...now the eye clawing WOULD be entertaining.

Anyone else tired of Hollywood and the entertainment industry moonlighting as a team of political experts? Anyone else find this absolutely ridiculous and exhausting all at the same time?

So I say to them...to those fine souls who found Hollywood not as fulfilling as the political careers they really dream about (yeah let's see them give up their millions to become a politician...hahahahaha!):

If you don't like our president....FINE...just don't sing about it!
If you want to call America a terrorist country...FINE...just do it off air!
If you hate the war in Iraq...FINE...just don't drone on and on and on, endlessly, about it!

In short....just shut the hell up and ENTERTAIN me! That's all I want out of you...nothing more, and nothing less.

And I'll let the "your dumb if your Republican" theory go...it's impossible to fight pure ignorance.

There...rant over.

Moving!!

We're off to Michigan in the next two weeks so I won't post until I get all settled in. I'm SURE some funnies will happen in that span of time...my kids ALWAYS deliver. *sigh*

See in two weeks!!

It's The Little Things.

The funniest thing that happened this week in our home:

Mase discovered that his winker floated in the bathtub, and when you push it down, it comes right back to the top.

Oh there's more, Jase decided to inform the Head Start class about her brother's discovery.

*PROUD MOMMY MOMENT ALERT*

A Moment of Silence....

Taking a break from comedy today to send some prayers to the Virginia Tech facutly, students, and their families.

Those "GET NO WHERE" conversations!!

My kids are PROS at them! For example, I have chosen just two of the many we had this week:

The first is just cute! Jase and her cousin Carly were playing together and they both have speech issues and don't pronounce their Rs. But they're 4, so who cares for now. Anyway, this is their conversation:

J - Look Cawly, thwow that wock.
C - That? That's a wock.
J - No, Cawly, it's called a wock.
C - No, JJ it's a WOCK.
J- NO, IT'S A WOCK!
C- A WOCK!
J- You talk funny. (then walks away) ROFL!!

Then my Mase is asking when his baseball starts:

Me- Tomorrow.
Him- Is tomorrow the next day?
Me- Yes, tomorrow.
Him- So tomorrow is the next day?
Me- Yes, honey, it's tomorrow.
Him- So when we wake up it's tomorrow?
Me- Yep. (ahh we're understanding each other)
Him- So it's the next day?
Me- (spoke too soon) YES (ok calm down) Yes, son, it's the next day....tomorrow IS the next day.
Him- (thinking) So when I wake up, it's tomorrow?
Me- YES! YES! TOMORROW WHEN YOU WAKE UP IT WILL BE THE NEXT DAY AND THAT WILL BE TOMORROW!

And that seemed to please him....however, I was breathing heavy and foaming at the mouth! AAARRRGGGHHHH!

It's me...I'm the idiot!

So it's really rare that I am the funny one, and when I am it is usually due to stupidity rather than comic genius.

Having said that: I was running a garage sale with my mom and it is tradition that we make a run for Daylight Donuts as soon as the sun comes up. After all, you're up anyway due to those super duper committed shoppers (aka cheap skate fanatics) that show up at SIX AM!!!

So my dad comes back with the donuts and Yoohoos. Now, what's the FIRST thing you do to a Yoohoo.....YOU SHAKE IT. You have to get all that chocolaty goodness off the bottom. Little did I know, my mother (being the sweet mother that she is *sigh*) opened MY YOOHOO and handed it to me. She shook it first of course.

However.....when someone hands you a Yoohoo, and you are trying to explain something to a cheapskate that wants to talk you down from A DOLLAR......what do you do? You don't look to see that the Yoohoo is already open....that's just silly!

So YES, I shook the Yoohoo RIGHT INTO MY FACE! Almost half the bottle ended up in my hair, my nose, and all over the stupid trinket that the cheap skate customer wanted for 25 cents. Of course all 15 people, including my own flesh and blood mother and the customer that I wanted to shove the dadgum trinket down her throat, laughed laughed laughed.

Yep, laugh at the idiot woman who shook a Yoohoo in her own face! Oh that's some funny stuff! In fact, TBS would say, "I think you definitely have a hilarious moment there....have yourself a really good laugh."

I'll wait til you're finished laughing.

Bren's Going on Vacation...HAHAHAHA

She opened her Happy Meal and in the toy there was a "ticket".
"MOM! I won a trip to Authen City!"

I hated having to break the news to her! ROFL!!

*FTR: the Charlotte's Web toys come with Certificates of Authenticity.*

We're Funny Again--Thanks for the prayers!

So my VERY redneck dad is in trouble...here's why:

Jase: I have a boyfriend (she's 4)
Mase: Who? (6yrs)
Jase: TJ
Mase: He's brown...you can't date brown people.
Jase: Yes I can!
Mase: NO you can't...you can be friends, but you cannot date or marry a different color!
Mom: (overhearing the above) Excuse me! Who told you THAT?
Mase: Grandpa.
Mom: Well you listen to me....(begins 30 minute lecture about how we are ALL God's children...which I think I lost him after the 1st 10...but he got the point)

Later:
Me: Umm....Dad, we need to talk.
Dad: What.
Me: Stop teaching my children your racist redneck ways...I hate them and I will not have you teaching them that!
Dad: (well I really cannot write what he said or what I said back or what he said then and then what I replied with....you get the point.

And that is what I have been up against all my life....my Dad is very set in his old ways of thinking and we butt heads about it often. But I think I made my point as far as my OWN children go. We'll see.

Not a lot of fun going on here right now. Prayers would be appreciated.

Funnies of the week!

Jase: When I was subbing this week the principle came into my room after school was out and I was cleaning up. Jase was in with me and he said to her..."wow you are very pretty! what cute dimples!"

To which Jase replied, *sigh* "Hey mista! I don't have nipples!!"

Mase: His FAVORITE thing to do is to call my name a million times until I finally answer him. Well I had been getting mad and eventually yelling "WHAT???" at him. So he found a way to break me by answering my mean yelling "WHAT?!" with "I just wanted to say I love you." *gulp*

Bren: HAD to have a bra....had to have one. Her nipples were rubbing against her shirt and she is sensitive there. So we got her one...well one of those little girl ones. So in the middle of her basketball game she runs over to me in the stands and I am thinking "what are you doing??"

She reaches in her shirt and takes her bra out through her sleeve and hands it to me....saying "here, I forgot to take it off."

Me: Um Bren, it's and athletic bra, you were supposed to wear it in the game.
Her: (looking at me like I'm an idiot) MOM! Ugh...nevermind just take it.

LOL....still haven't figured out that one!

The Neighbor Kid From Hell!

So we just moved into our new house. The kids and I are really loving it.
Then my ds meets this boy that he knows from school...YAY he has a friend his own age! NOT! This kid needs a spankin and I may just do it and risk getting arrested!

My oldest, Bren, comes in and says,
"Ok Mom, this kid is out of control...he said crap about 50 times, he tried to kick Mase in the nuts and said "NUTS", and the clencher....he said my dog was ugly! Get rid of him or I'm gonna punch his lights out!"

Well, first, her dog is ugly...so the kid is being honest there. LOL But I get onto him and then he behaves.

Well this morning, I get up and let the ugly dog out...hee hee...and just as I shut the door and turn around IT OPENS! The little butthead just walks in, and luckily I was wearing PJs!! I told him how rude that was and sent him on his way and I think he is terrified to come over anymore, but GEE WIZ!

I never would have imagined such a small little boy could be such a pain in my butt!

OH MY GOSH...Call in the Speech Therapist!

So Jase can't say her Rs. No problem AT ALL until we come to the word "PURSE"! Yep, use your imagination people!

So she goes around telling everyone that I bought Bren a **** and not her and that she doesn't have a ****.

My dad is still laughing about it!

And to answer a question from my last post....actually YES I am missing the ocean. Of course it might be because I am sitting here in 36 degree weather with a mother going through radiation who is having hot flashes so she's freezing out the rest of us. LOL But I do miss the sound of the ocean, the beauty and power of it, and the fun we had at the beaches. But I'll take my cold and sore throat ANYDAY over having to spend one more day on that stupid island. LOL

Jase Did It!

Well Jase did it! She snuck a bottle of kid perfume in a bag and the security in Puerto Rico gave me the WHAT FOR! I was already running late for my plane and then I was held up.....grrrrrr!

So when they pulled it out Jase said "That's my makeup!" *all smiles* But the security guy wasn't all smiles at all. I felt like an idiot for not knowing what my kids packed.....it was a winning moment!

Big Ol Brain Fart

So my dh is a med student....which apparently can ruin your brain. LOL This was our conversation yesterday.

Hub: You know how they say "a,e,i,o,u, and sometimes y"....I can't think of a time when it isn't a vowel.
(notice the bold Ys)
Me: You can't? Hmmm...Yesterday....Yellow....Yak....Yolk....YoYo....

Hub: Ok...OK. (feeling stupid)

Me: So was that enough for You?

Hub: Yes. (sulks off)

*snicker*

How Does It Look?

My blog that is? I thought it appropriate since we are ocean junkies for the time being. But it was super hard figuring it out on my own...I might have said a bad word or two.

So my Kid Funny does NOT come from my own kids today....it comes from a little boy I babysit. He is 6, with a thick Polish accent (think Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory), and he looks like a 70 yr old man LOL.

He LOVES women!! Seriously, I can sometimes feel him undressing me with his eyes and it is VERY unnerving! He's a sweet little boy but man is he a dirty little thing already.

So he was with his parents on the French side of the island, and they were standing near a group of 3 French women, nearly naked. So this little boy goes over to the women and circles them, drooling, and saying "oh sexy...hot mama" and other things. And before his dad could discipline him, he landed a big wet kiss on one of their butts. His parents were horrified, the women were laughing, and he was being dragged off...tongue to his knees...smiling a drunk little smile.

I am SOOOOOO glad I was not the one with him! But we seriously sit in Time Out 4 or 5 times a week due to him trying to kiss my girls or for calling me Sexy. *sigh* My oldest dd blacked his eye by moving at the very last minute when he closed his eyes and went in for the kiss...he landed in a pucker on a chair with his head. Poor little guy! LOL

In Honor of 9/11...

Christopher Hugh Forsythe










Christopher Hugh Forsythe was 44 years old when he died in the Twin Towers 5 years ago this month. He had moved to Basking Ridge, New Jersey, just three years prior, but Chris had worked in places such as Madrid and Mexico before settling in New Jersey. He was originally from Longon, England. Chris worked as a Foreign Exchange Money Broker employed by Cantor Fitzgerald.

It took 3 alarm clocks to wake Chris up in the morning. His wife, Tessie Molina, would tease him about his morning waking habits. Between the two they had two teenagers: Mrs. Molina's son, Jose, and Chris' daughter, Kirsten. The couple mainly spoke Spanish in the home, though it took Chris a while to catch up to Tessie's speed in the language.

You couldn't help but be humbled by all the comments left on various sites on the internet about Chris. One friend, simply labeled Mark, says of Chris and a friend that died along with Chris that day, "again what can one say about "fosdick" [Chris] when i entered the city in 1986. he along with the sadly missed cossack, took me for my 1st lunch...the city sadly lacks characters like these... " On another site, I suddenly found it hard to swallow that lump in my throat when I found regularly posted messages from Kirsten to her father. During my research I tried to keep emotions out and take an objective approach, but after learning of Chris' character and of how many people loved him, I couldn't help but feel sorry for those he left behind. Chris was a good man...you can't research him and not learn that.

It is an honor to be a part of this wonderful tribute to those that fell 5 years ago on American soil. I knew no one on a personal basis that died on 9/11, though I cried for all those that lost their lives. However, after this, I will now carry Chris with me. And just like all the others, his spirit lives on in the voices and memories of his friends and loved ones. It is our duty as Americans to take the time to remember them...it is the very least we can do.

Where ever you are Christopher, you are loved and missed greatly!

__________________________________________________________________

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/memorial/people/2580.html
http://www.legacy.com/Sept11.asp?Page=TributeStory&PersonId=145322
http://www.september11victims.com/september11victims/VictimInfo.asp?ID=1093

To view the entire list of the 2996 that are being honored this month, please visit:
http://www.dcroe.com/2996/?page_id=2