The Hub Gets Funny!

I'm a dancer, and when I watch SYTYCD I get a little emotional at really moving performances. That's why I try to watch it by myself late at night, so I can cry when I see a beautiful Contemporary routine.

The Hub is NOT a dancer. HAHAHAHAHAH...I have to laugh here because his two favorite moves are the Cowboy (gun hands shooting from the hips) and the Indian (feather hands on top of his head). *sigh*

Tonight I HAD to watch it with him in the room and one of the judges got a little emotional at a performance and The Hub was making fun until he turned to see my eyes all misty too. He was like, "Really??"

Then he closes his eyes emotionally and begins to go into this very "emotional" dance performance for me....needless to say it changed my tears of joy into tears of laughter in a split second.

Thank you honey for all the laughs you provide every single time you try to dance!!
*especially your deeply emotional performances*
Love you!

A New Twist on an Old Game!

The Hub has the flu so we all went outside to play and give him some quiet time. We ended up playing a game of HORSE in the driveway.

Soon after we started playing Jase was already at H.O. and with her next miss she was at H.O.R.

At this point she lets us all know where she is by announcing loudly, but dead serious, "I'm a HOR....hey did y'all hear, I'm a HOR....Mase, I'm a HOR....Listen to me, I'm a HOR."

Bren and I were laughing so hard at her proclamation to the neighborhood!

The smells of my childhood!

So we walked past a Lilac bush today and I asked the kids to all bend over and take a deep smell of the exact smell that reminds me of warm sunny days, lying in the cold Spring grass at my grandma's house when I was a child.

It smelled SOOOO good and I was immediately taken back to where I could actually feel the cold grass on the back of my legs while I laid there with my eyes closed listening to the sounds of the neighborhood.

THEN, the Hub says, "When I fart, the smell reminds me of my childhood."

AAAAAAND the moment was over. The kids cracked up and Mom's moment was forgotten. *sigh*

Jase's Brain Size

Today at soccer practice The Hub was telling Jase to play smart.

Jase: Dad, I'm just a girl.
The Hub: But you have a brain.
Jase: My brain isn't that big yet, Dad, it's only this big *makes a fist size*. I don't have all my ideas yet.

Ode to Uncle Travis!

I think I've posted about Uncle Travis telling Mase about him going poop and then naming it Mase. *sigh*

Well Uncle Travis...I am now getting you back for teaching my kids crude things!!! I grew tired of the crude ways my kids tell me they are going poop....just GO, don't announce it!

So I have now taught them to tell me they are going poop by simply saying, "Mom/Dad, I'm gonna go make a statue of Uncle Travis." ISN"T THAT GREAT!!! HAHAHHAHAHA! It cracks me up every time too.

*do NOT point out that I taught my kids something crude...I prefer to be ignorant about my hypocrisy.*

I'm hoping for the Chipmunk connection.

The Hub was helping Jase climb a tree this weekend while the entire neighborhood was in our yard for kickball and other games. Another parent made a comment about Jase being a chipmunk. Then the Hub asked her to let go and she said, "No, I might fall and break my nuts."

I'm sure nuts was a chipmunk connection and not the "other" kind...surely.

Boys will ALWAYS be boys!

And by that I mean thinking they're funny when they are really just crude...but boy do they make themselves laugh.

Mase and I were talking as I was tucking him in and here was the conversation:

Mase: You're the best mom in the world.
Me: But I'm your only mom.
Mase: And you're the best.
Me: Thank you, Son. I still remember when you were born...such a shock when Dad told me you were a boy (we thought Mase was a girl...95% GIRL said the sonogram). I thought you were a girl.
Mase: I know, but I was a boy...still am, want me to prove it? *giggles uncontrollably*

Such a funny guy....so he thinks.

Just a couple of laughs:

Mase's friend came to the door and knocked. My mom, who is visiting from Texas, called for Mase to answer the door. Mase took his time, so Mom once again called to him to answer the door for his friend. Mom yelled one more time. Mase came around the corner and looked straight at his grandmother and said in a very agrivated way, "Momma D, you gotta stop being so Texan. Up here, we Michiganians don't just rush to open the door!"


The other day we were riding with a couple of our friend's kids. Their oldest boy is 12 and has quite a mustache for a 12 year old. Mase saw it and said, "You have a mustache!" "Yeah, I'm 12," said the boy. Mase answered, "But Bren is almost 12 and she doesn't have a mustache."
*Bren was very displeased with his observation.*

Mase strikes again!

Watch out Jase...Mase is giving you a run for your money!!

The other night as I knelt beside my son's bed to listen to his sweet prayers...well here's how it went:

Mase: Dear Heavenly Fath...Um, Mom, I can see your hole. *points to my cleavage*
Me: It's called cleavage. Continue.
Mase: You should wear a bra.
Me: I AM wearing a bra.
Mase: Doesn't look like it.
Me: *shows my bra strap* See!
Mase: Well it sure doesn't cover much.
Me: Prayer, now!

My mom overheard this and was rolling by the time I entered the kitchen.

My NCAA Woes

After a long day at work,
I come home to relax with a little TV.
But alas I cannot,
For the room is filled with basketball "yippees."

I wake to a beautiful morn,
Enjoying the promises of a new day.
But instead I'm soon frustrated,
At my sons shouts of "hooray!"

Shall I explain to you,
How the Hub records them all?
And now every single game,
Is watched in my home all day long!

My shows are not even on,
And reruns aren't exactly my fave.
And it's not like we're getting family time,
Because Final Four is ALLLL the rave!

Can you tell that I'm growing angry,
And that I should really seek help?
Because if I have to watch one more stupid game,
I may do something I cannot help.

*yes, I rhymed help with help...get over it!*

Apparently this is Mase's week!

So Mase peed ALLLLL over the toilet and the bathroom floor...grrrrr.

I simply told the Hub to go and show the child how to control his "hose" more efficiently!

Mase was highly offended and told me, "It was my belt's fault! It wouldn't loosen and I couldn't get my thing-a-ma-bob over it!"

I've heard a lot of names for "it" but thing-a-ma-bob is a first for me.

Well, in all honesty...

...we haven't had a REALLY good post in a while, the kind that embarrass me to NO end, so I guess it was time for one. *sigh*

Mase: (in the primary room at church and out of NO where) Mom, remember when I walked in on you in the bathroom and you had hair down there around your private?

*pray for him please...he may not make it through the day*

Ripley's Believe It Or Not

The kids are on a Ripley's kick and checked out some kid books at the library.

Jase was showing me the heavily tattooed older woman and The Hub asked, "Maybe that's a shirt and not her skin."

Jase: No it's her skin with tattoos.
The Hub: How do you know?
Jase: See those lines...*points to the woman's cleavage*...shirts don't have those lines like that.

Believe it...or not.

You DON"T want to go to Judy!

So Jase is explaining to me that she learned about 911 calling in school. Then she goes on to tell me some very interesting "extra" facts about it.

Jase: When bad guys break in, you call 911 so they won't steal your necklaces and earrings, and you give them your address and say come right away! But if you call just to see if they will come and there aren't any bad guys...that's when you go to Judy.

Me: Judy? OHHHH you mean Juvy! *ROFL!!* Where did you hear about Juvy?

Jase: iCarly.

So lesson to all you kiddos out there....you never want to go to Judy!

"Your Fly's a Shoe?"

Mase came in this morning and The Hub pointed out that his fly was down by saying, "Son, XYZ."

Mase was clueless. The Hub stressed and pointed with his eyes, "XYZ." Again, clueless.

Mase: What are you talking about?
The Hub: Your fly is down, check your fly, XYZ.
Mase: Nooo, you say "your fly is a shoe."

*all of us....what??!!*

Mase: In the movies when someone says "your fly is open" the person looks down at his shoes...so your fly is your shoe.

As you can imagine we will be laughing about this for a LOOOOONG time!

And then she humbles us!

At the dinner table we have a tradition of going around the table with questions like "If you had a million dollars, what would be the first thing you'd buy?" Each one of us asks a question and then each of us have to answer each question.

Tonight's question from me was "Since we will soon at least not have to worry about money anymore, one less problem, then what BIG thing would you like to do or see or get?"

Mine: I want a cabin somewhere that we own and go to 4 times a year or so with a boat and it be our family tradition.

Bren's: I want to go to Disney World and Universal Studios.

Mase: I wanna go to Sea World.

The Hub's: I want to go on a African safari.

Jase's: I want to buy new scriptures in all different sizes so that we can have a choice and if we need them bigger or smaller we can just have them already and we'll read them more.

*slinks under the table*

And what would Christmas Morning be.....

...without a little Jase-ism????

Jase opens her stocking and sees lip gloss but it looks a lot like MY concealer.

Jase - Is it for my nipples?
Bren - WHAT? *giggle*
Me - What?
Jase - My nipples on my face. Not the hole ones (remember that she calls dimples, nipples)
*everyone laughs hysterically*
Me - NO...it's lip gloss, not for your PIMPLES. Nipples are on your chest, dimples are the holes in your cheeks, and pimples are the red bumps.
Jase - Ohhhh. It's LIP GLOSS!

The Hub - yeah, and it's not for your nipples, on your chest OR the ones on your face!

My word!!

A Winter Poem

I just found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you. It certainly was to me, and it is eloquence without equal. It really captures my own feelings about winter.

'WINTER'

a poem by

Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre





SHIT, It's Cold!

The End

New way to say "turkey thighs".

Jase came into the bathroom the other morning while I was getting ready. I was in my pjs, and she sat down to watch me.

Jase: Mom, why is it that when we're kids our legs are short and skinny, and then we grow up and they get taller and taller, and then when we're your age they get really big at the top?

*grumble grumble grumble* Thanks Jase...always there to make me feel good about myself.

Well...hmmmm....ok.

Mase came upstairs last night to inform me that he won the talent contest between him and his sisters.

Me: Awesome! What did you do?
Mase: I beat boxed and river danced.
Me: (chokes) Ummm...ok....at the same time?
Mase: Of course, they go together really well.

His father is still recovering from the announcement.