Polo Shirts and JFK

Last week we learned that not one of my kids, nope, not a SINGLE ONE, is as intelligent as I initially thought.

Mase:  Hey, Mom, did you know that the thing on Polo shirts is a guy playing Polo on a horse?

Me:  Um, yep.

Mase:  Yeah, I always thought it was a Centaur until last week.

Jase:  It's a guy playing Cricket on a horse, Mase.

Me:  What??  You don't play Cricket on horses.  And Mase, you thought it was a Centaur all this time?

Jase:  You don't play Cricket on a horse?

Me:  No, that's Polo.  Cricket is played on your own two legs.

Mase:  Always looked like a Centaur to me.

*Bren gets into the car and hears our conversation*

Bren:  You don't play Cricket on a horse?  Well what's the dude on the shirts playing?

Me:  POLO!!  HENCE THE FRICKING NAME OF POLO SHIRT!!

(okay, so I was a little exasperated at this point and my belief in the intelligence of my kids was being washed out to sea)

A collective "ahhh, I did not know that" sweeps through the car.

Then Jase, who is playing Badly Drawn Faces, pipes up and says, "I need help on this one, Mom. Who is JFK but with darker eyebrows?"

Me:  (looking at the face) That's Mitt Romney honey.

Jase:  Ok, then who is JFK but with big ears?

Me:  (looking again) That's not JFK, that's Prince Charles.

Jase:  Ok.  (long silence)  JFK with squinty eyes?

Me:  Honey, that's Bill Clinton....do you even know who JFK is??

Jase:  No.

*beats head on steering wheel*

Too Much Fun is OUT of the question!

I know I haven't posted in a while. I apologize profusely!

It's a little thing called "life" that keeps getting in the way! :)

Here's a funny just to make your day better, and by none other than our funny girl herself, Jase!

Riding home from school Bren is telling me how the upcoming Sadie's dance is going to go.  She's explaining where the pictures will take place etc.

Bren:  We'll all meet at the house and take pics with our dates there.

Jase:  *butting in*  Well don't have toooooo much fun, Bren.

Bren:  What are you talking about? It's just pictures!  Besides your ten! You don't know what "too much fun" is.

Jase:  Oh I know!  And I'm telling you not to have it.  *said with authority*

I couldn't have said it better myself, Jase!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from all of us to all of you!

Stripper Songs

So we're watching American Idol and Mase is humming. I realize suddenly that he's singing that stupid stripper song...thanks rappers everywhere for your disgusting contribution to society and your booty bouncing slutty women *throws up in mouth*!

Conversations ensues:

Me - SON! You cannot sing that song!

Mase - Why?

Me - It's about strippers! (trying not to yell)

Mase - *blank stare*

Me - Do you know what a stripper is?

Mase - They dance on stage and strip to their bra and panties.

Me - (OMG! HE KNOWS HE KNOWS! okay stay calm...breathe....don't ask who told him, you might kill the kid) Yes, but they strip NAKED, son, NAKED. They show everything that Heavenly Father gave them to a clapping audience.

Jase - (obviously listening in...SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE!) Ew! I would never do that.

Me - WELL I SHOULD HOPE NOT! (any hopes of not yelling clearly gone)


*later I would find out that BREN told Mase the words to the song...my own child...pray for her..."

HILARIOUS Blogger!

A friend shared this with me and I had to share it here. Literally the funniest thing I've read in a long time. But I must confess...I'm the guilty party she's talking about. Except that I don't bake, or sew, or knit, or do anything else homemakey. However, I am an overachieving Elf mom. *hangs head in shame*

Laugh your butt off here!

Let's play "What's Under the Bed!"

Me: Bren, you have to clean your room!

Bren: I did.

Me: Whatever, let me see. *finds clean room* Huh, nice. What about the dirty clothes stuffed under the bed?

Bren: Not clothes, just dirty underwear, I'll get them out later.

Me: Let's pretend it's later and get them out now.

Bren: Even better, let's pretend I never said what was under there.

Smooth.

And that's why I'm a proud Momma!

Now, while I do love a good Ringling Circus, I think I may have "stepped in it" by taking my kids this last Saturday.

Today Mase announces:

"Hey Mom, I decided, if I don't get into Harvard, Yale, MIT, or Stanford, I'm gonna go to Clown College or become a Ring Master."

*silence for The Hub and I*..............................................................................................................

ATTENTION ALL WOMEN!!!

This is VERY important!

When you wear high heels, for the love of everything Holy, do NOT have dirty legs!

Because, in case you didn't know, "if you have dirty legs and wear high heels then you're a hooker!"

Thank you, Jase, for keeping us off the streets and well aware!