Jace Is Now a Sailor....Compliments of Mom!

I have GOT to watch my mouth more! Here I thought I was doing so much better...I have stopped saying some of my favorite words and was working on the few I have left. But apparently not in time for my beloved three year old.
Ahhh my little nosey, bossy, 3yr old girl! And now I have to add foul mouthed to that list. Ugh! Allow me to share the story with you....CAUTION, bad words ahead!
So we decided to go out to eat as a family tonight...it was such a fun day and we were all in a great mood. We were driving in the car with the windows down, laughing, and a GIANT bus pulls up right beside us and HONKS his stupid horn. Well I had been biting my nails at that time and he scared me when he honked and I bit my finger. So I yelled "thanks JACKASS!" So my 3yr old yells "yeah JACKASS!" Ok...breathe, I know what I did wrong, so I say "honey, momma should NOT have said that, so don't say it anymore." Well she argues a little and I get on to her more but try to blame my own potty mouth for it. She finally decides that she isn't winning this battle and says "Mom, you piss over me!" Which really threw me for a loop, because what in the living hell does THAT mean???? But I calmly ask "honey don't say that word, but what are you trying to say?" And then dh whispers to me, "ummm maybe she is saying you're pissing me off". Ah hah! Yes, I bet that is it! Well she HEARS him.....WHAT IS WITH THE SUPER SONIC EARS ON KIDS THESE DAYS??...and says "yeah Mom you're pissin me off!"
Ok so I get a little tougher and I remind her that soap tastes bad but that is what she is getting if she doesn't stop saying bad words. I am also trying to keep from laughing because she is just mad at me and cussing me out....my 3 YEAR OLD! Kinda cute, in a trailor trash sort of way!
So we continue on our drive, everyone is quiet, and my 3 yr old says "well sh*t!" Well, EVERYONE is laughing now, even my dh, and I am just blown away. Dh keeps saying, "it's YOUR fault!" and laughs more. NOT HELPING HONEY! Ok my little girl is now cussing like a sailor! Perhaps she heard that from me........but HELL, I quit ALLLLL my other vices, and I am working so hard on this one, I am NOT PERFECT, SHUT UP!
But I really do need to work a little harder on my mouth. Otherwise I may have problems when my sweet little 3 yr old starts preschool and the teacher calls me because she just taught the class a few choice FOUR LETTER WORDS!
I can just hear it now "umm, yes, Mrs. L, I know you are going to be very upset about this, but your dd taught the other children how to say jackass today, and well, she wasn't speaking of the donkey type." Geez!

Hmmmm...Not Exactly Honey.

I was playing Catch Phrase with my oldest last night. She loves the challenge even though she doesn't know ALL the words and their meanings.

So we're playin and it's her turn to descibe a word and get me to say it. Here is how it went:

Bren: Ok so it's in your throat!
Me: Trachea!
Bren: No.
Me: Tonsils.
Bren: No.
Me: Hmmmm...voice box?
Bren: No, MOM! (apparently I am ticking her off that I am not answering correctly)
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (times up)
Me: What in the world was it?
Bren: ASPARAGUS!!!!
Me: bwaaaaaahaaaaahaaaahaaahaaaaa
Bren: What? What did I say?
Me: Honey, asparagus is a vegetable, and if it's in your throat you are choking! bwaaahahahaaaa!
Bren: OH! Is that what that says?
Me: (looking at the word) Yep, but you mean esophagus...that IS in your throat.
Bren: Oh......hahahhahahaha

Then DON"T ask me!

Bren and Mase are sitting here drawing together...their favorite past-time. Bren loves to be challenged and said to me, "Challenge me Mom...tell me what to draw. Only make it hard."

Here is how it went...I don't make this stuff up folks...my kids are just this exhausting!

Me: Draw Herbie.
Bren: Mom, that's too hard.
Me: Ok draw Daisy. (our dog)
Bren: No.
Me: Kiko. (our cat)
Bren: Mom...be challenging!
Me: (sighing) Ok, draw our view of the lagoon. (ocean, mountains...should be challenging)
Bren: No, it's dark I can't see it.
Me: Then draw what you think the mountains look like where your aunt and uncle live.
Bren: (SIGHS AT ME!) I'll just surprise you. (and ROLLS HER EYES!)

Where did I go wrong here????

Aha! The wonderful Jace strikes again!!!

So my wonderful little 3yr old comes into the bathroom this evening, while I am standing in my undies (having just gotten out of the shower). She comes up and pats my belly...you know, the bulge that she caused and I cannot get rid of!!!

Anyway, as she pats my bulgey belly, she says: "Mom, your butts on backwards."

Ugh! Why me???

The Conversation from hell...why do I bother??

So I was gonna be a good mom this morning and sat down all cuddled up with my kids and asked them what they would like to have special in their house when we build. Here is how that simple question turned into a fiasco (sigh):

Me: Son you go first.
Mase: I want a ninja turtle castle with the orange night ninja, the red night ninja, the blue night ninja....wait, no I already have the blue night ninja....and...
Bren: (interupting) No! She doesn't mean toys! She means things like doors and hideouts.
Mase: Oh ok then, well I want a darth vador soup. (which means suit but he has a lisp).
Bren: NO NO NO!!
Me: Bren, it's ok. Mase you can have your suit. Ok Jace's turn.
Jace: I want a princess castle with a princess dress.
Bren: NO!!!!!!!! Mom!!!
Me: Bren they don't understand...it's ok.
Bren: Listen to me guys! She means tunnels or secret passageways. Like this, it's my turn, ok... I want a secret room under the stairs that has games in it and is all mine. Then I want a tunnel that goes up and out of it to a tree house.
Mase: Oh YEAH! I want a tunnel out of my room too.
Bren: And my tunnel and Mase's tunnel will connect.
Mase: Cool! (thinking) Can I still have the soup?
Bren: (sighs and falls over exasperated)
Me: (not knowing whether to laugh or shoot myself) Yes son, you can have your soup.